War and XPs
The Order of the Stick: War and XPs is the third volume of the Order of the Stick, and includes their adventures from #301-484, with the first comic being dated in 7 April 2006. The title is a pun on the 1869 Leo Tolstoy novel War and Peace. The Order meets a irritating oracle, engages Nale, and gets caught up in a war. For the list of comics in this book and their wikia pages, please click here. Plot New Year Shenanigans Elan and Hinjo take a tour around Azure City during its New Year Eve celebration. Haley is informed that her aphasia is due to her keeping too many secrets, and it would disappear if she revealed some truths. The rest of the Order act on their favors from Lord Shojo -- Durkon writes a letter to Hurak, Belkar wanders around in disguise, and Vaarsuvius attempts to learn new spells. Before they leave the next morning, they decide to have a nice meal together. Haley drags Elan off privately, and Celia and Roy go out. Haley unsuccessfully attempts to tell Elan her secrets; her Self Loathing appears in her mind, encouraging her to kiss him on the New Year Eve's Countdown. Roy and Celia fly over Azure City and reciprocate each other's feelings; a drunken Belkar makes out with Vaarsuvius. Haley is unable to muster up courage to kiss Elan and leaves in resignation. Visiting the Oracle The Order prepares their trip to an Oracle of the Sunken Valley to find which gate Xykon will arrive next at. Haley conjures up other facets of her personality to stave off her Self Loathing, and Celia gives Roy a summoning talisman for an emergency. During the journey, V and Belkar began a series of lethal pranks, with the former often using Explosive Runes. Overcoming a Hydra (later utilized by Goblin Dan as the basis for his barbecue franchise), A Knight-and-Knave-esque pair of guards, and enduring the Test of the Heart, the Order prepares to meet the Oracle. He explains a Memory Charm prevents people from remembering what happened apart from their answers. Drawing power from Tiamat, he predicts that Durkon will return home posthumously, V will say four words for the wrong reasons to achieve arcane power, Haley will restore her speech by not looking at the gift horse in the mouth, Elan will have a happy ending, and Belkar will kill Miko, Windstriker, Roy, or Vaarsuvius. To avoid loopholes, Roy asks specifically which of Girard's Gate or Kraagor's Gate Xykon will arrive first, accidentally excluding Soon's Gate. The Oracle attempts to warn him of his error, but eventually answers Girard's Gate. Roy realizes his mistake too late just as the Memory Charm comes into effect. Late at night, Roy receives a Sending from Nale -- the latter will kill Julia unless the Order exchanges her for his twin brother. Roy promises to meet him in Cliffport. The Cliffport Trap The CPPD investigate hundreds of murders committed by Nale and Thog. With the assistance of Wizard Guy, the Order teleport to Cliffport -- Roy is lured into a trap set by Sabine and Pompey, but gets some assistance from a restrained Julia. Durkon and V are attacked by Leeky Windstaff, an evil gnome druid, and his animal companion Kitty fights against Haley. Yikyik's son, Yokyok, hunts down Belkar out of revenge, leaving Elan alone. Meanwhile, the CPPD attempt to track down Nale and Thog. The two, however, track down Elan and kidnap him. Julia escapes from her restraints and finds Durkon, who manages to save V from the druid's tree army. Durkon and Leeky engage in combat and Julie wanders through the fray to heal V. Roy manages to defeat Sabine; she offers to seduce him, but he defenestrates her and gives Pompey over to custody. Pompey and Sabine later escape the CPPD. Belkar manages to recruit a tavern of mercenaries to kill Yokyok for him, and takes his head for a trophy once more. While Leeky is finally defeated, Nale drugs Elan and switches places with him -- Elan, along with Thog, is dragged off to prison, and Nale sneaks along into the Order. Roy and Julia say their farewells. In prison, Elan attempts to prove his innocence to no avail. The Watchtower Returning to Azure City with a message from the High Priestess of Thor, Miko stops along at a watchtower. Team Evil arrive soon after; she and Redcloak engage in a furious duel. She is about to finish off the priest when Xykon traps her in a Forcecage. A soldier attempts to signal the beacon, but he is killed by the lich. Miko and Redcloak quarrel over the paladin crusades against goblins -- upon knowing Xykon's name, she believes the Order is lying about their victory and is, in fact, in alliance with Team Evil. Xykon and Redcloak decide to leave her in the cage. Miko manages to escape using a Demon Cockroach, and faces off against the Monster in the Darkness -- he accidentally uses his immense strength to knock her and Windstriker out of the tower. Miko frantically rides toward Azure City, but is unaware she is being scryed on by Xykon and Redcloak, the former having trapped her in a Moderately-Escapable Forcecage. The Dashing Swordman Nale and Sabine convene at Azure City -- Nale learns about the Gates from Shojo, who mocks Roy for having his wizard eaten by a roc. Sabine goes to inform her supervisors of the information. Alone for the night, Nale asks Haley out to dinner with the intent of murdering her. Haley's Self Loathing attempts to point out something is amiss, but Haley decides to risk the chance for a shot at happiness. Belkar attacks Nale, recognizing him from his scent, but is quickly Charmed and ordered to kill his teammates. Nale and Haley have a dinner together; the former is flummoxed by Haley's aphasia, but manages to play along. Sabine spots them dancing and, with encouragement from a clueless V, goes to kill Haley from jealousy. Haley and Nale proceed to kiss in her room -- Sabine bursts in in rage, and rather unexpectedly Elan and Thog crash through the window. The Redemption Three days earlier, Elan wallows in prison, thinking of a way to escape. He persuades Thog to break the prison bars by saying Nale is in danger. Together they escape and put on new disguises, and attempt to find an airship that will take them to Azure City. After several unsuccessful attempts, Elan secures his luck with the captain of the Mechane, Julio Scoundrél. Aware of his average combat prowess, Julio decides to mentor Elan in the class of Dashing Swordsman -- instead of strength, the swordsman uses a pun attack for damage. As the Mechane enters Azure City, she is attacked by the defenses for being a pirate ship -- the crew members destroy several catapults in retaliation. Elan uses his dramatic instincts to sense Haley in her room. Julio refuses to join him, as a mentor is often slain in this situation, but shouts encouragement as Elan and Thog jump down from the ship and into the room. Round 2 of the Linear Guild Nale's cover blown, Elan quickly out-duels and defeats him in combat. Exploiting Haley's aphasia, Nale persuades Elan that Haley was secretly working with him, and had planned for the latter to be imprisoned. Elan is driven to despair and is Charmed to almost kill her -- just as Haley declares her love in anguish, and her speech is restored. Nale, Sabine, and Thog regroup to a second round of battle. Thog knocks out Haley, but Durkon and V arrive to help. Nale pulls on a "which is the evil twin?" on V, but exposes himself and is zapped for his efforts. Together, Durkon and Haley defeat Sabine. With the Guild defeated and restrained, Elan decides to use his favor to place them in Azure City's antimagic cell blocks. In a moment of privacy, Haley tries to put her confession aside. Elan responds with a kiss, and the two proceed to make out. Roy, undisturbed, wakes to find the aftermath of the battle and the newly-formed couple. He is understandably confused. Miko's Fall Roy, a disguised Belkar, Haley, and Elan visit Lord Shojo for the Linear Guild's imprisonment -- Shojo informs a paladin, O-Chul, to make sure the prisoners are not in state records and will not receive a trial. Haley and Elan leave along with O-Chul to retrieve the Guild. Roy discusses with Shojo of his manipulation of the paladins, and Shojo reminds him that Girard's Gate must be kept a secret from them. Unfortunately, Hinjo and Miko overhear the conversation. The two paladins immediately confront Shojo -- Hinjo decides to imprison him, but Miko takes a different tangent: she reveals Xykon and a massive hobgoblin army is a day away and is convinced that the Order is in league with the sorcerer. She accuses Shojo of treason by conspiring with the Order to destroy the Sapphire Guard. Both Hinjo and Shojo attempt to calm her down, but Miko remains adamant of the convictions -- she fatally bisects Shojo on his throne. The Twelve Gods strip away her paladin powers in punishment and she becomes Fallen. Still clinging onto her delusions, Roy attacks her angrily -- he manages to have the edge on her, but she escapes and rushes at Belkar. Hinjo stops her, trying to talk sense into her for an Atonement spell, but Miko furiously denies his help. She almost kills him before Roy intervenes. The High Priest of the Twelve Gods attempts to resurrect Shojo but is unsuccessful. Hinjo assigns Roy the duty of bodyguard, and O-Chul and Lien secure Miko to prison. Hinjo explains that if Miko had sliced the throne's sapphire, she would've destroyed Soon's Gate. In Shojo's death, Hinjo is crowned Lord of Azure City. The Plannings The Order and the Sapphire Guard began planning for Azure City's defense, assisted by General Chang and Sangwaan. After seeing the hopeless odds, Daimyo Kubota, along with several other nobles, pull out their forces to flee the city. On Team Evil's side, Xykon replays a scrying screen of Miko -- TeeVo -- and he and Redcloak learn the Gate is in the throne room. Redcloak attempts to talk strategy with his boss, but suddenly receives an ingenious idea. The night before the battle, Haley reassures new soldiers the war will turn out well -- O-Chul reminds her that the winning side will still have losses. Haley spends her night with Elan. Battle of Azure City On the morn of the battle, Hinjo ensures his junk will be available to the citizens, should a siege occur, while Miko wakes up in prison. Several prisoners are released -- Grand Larceny Prisoner and Tsukiko -- to assist Azure City in the war. Hinjo agrees to remove Belkar's Mark of Justice in return for defense of the city. Elan prepares a big pre-battle speech to the soldiers, but botches it at the end. Two sides of the war began converging -- Redcloak launches 5 Titanium Elementals at the walls as a starter, creating a breach, and the Order splits up to deal with them. Roy takes in a few arrows for Elan. Team Evil's army splits into three groups -- one headed for the south wall, one charging at the breach (where V assists several soldiers in fending off hobgoblin attacks) and one remaining behind with the archers and catapults. Each seems to be leaded by Xykon. The Order and Hinjo debates which one of the decoys is the real Xykon, until Haley figures out that none of them are -- Xykon, in fact, is flying toward the walls on a zombified silver dragon. Sangwaan is killed, and Roy uses Belkar's Ring of Jumping to leap onto the dragon's back. To Roy's dismay, Xykon is still unable to remember his name. Redcloak reveals to the MiTD that the three Xykon Decoys are actually a huecuva, a Death Knight, and an Eye of Fear and Flame. He directs the huecuva toward the south wall to join the Eye. Still locked in their aerial "battle," Xykon wrests his crown back from Roy -- he admits he killed Fyron Pucebuckle just to steal the non-magical crown. The Grand Larceny Prisoner admits to Belkar he was hired to assassinate Hinjo by Kubota for money. Conflicted by whether to let Hinjo die or keep him alive so he can remove the Mark, Belkar kills the Prisoner and lands outside of the city's boundaries in front of hobgobins, to his bloodthirsty glee. He manages to kill a mountain of them and proclaims himself as a "SEXY SHOELESS GOD OF WAR." At the breach, the hobgoblins' bodies stack up to form a ramp -- the Death Knight rides up on his skeletal horse and slaughters many Azure City soldiers, including General Chang. V attempts to hold the Knight off with V's familiar, Blackwing, to no success. Up in the air, Roy tries to make Xykon land the dragon and cuts off its head -- it lands and kills the Death Knight, saving V. Xykon admits to Roy that he has no interest in destroying the world, only ruling over it. He offers to let Roy live, so that he can level up and face him again on a more equal footing. Roy refutes the point with the existence of his Blood Oath, and Xykon mocks him for trying to make his father proud. Roy acknowledges that he had originally embarked on the quest simply to please his father, but he is now fighting to save the world for its people. He then attacks Xykon directly. Unmoved, Xykon fires a Meteor Swarm into him point-blank, destroying the dragon. Roy attempts to weasel out of the situation -- trying to open Celia's talisman to summon her -- but falls to his death. Aghast at Roy's death, nonetheless Haley assumes command -- in grief, Elan sings a song for his deceased friend. Xykon grazes along the city walls; Tsukiko switches sides and joins Team Evil. The lich bursts into the throne room to find the Sapphire Guard waiting for him. Initially overwhelmed, he reveals he inscribed a Symbol of Insanity onto a rubber ball and flung it among the paladins -- a horrified O-Chul watches his comrades slaughter each other. He attempts to destroy the Gate to keep it out of Xykon's hands, but is paralyzed. Xykon gloats over his victory until the Sapphire Guard rise as ghost-martyrs, led by their legendary founder -- Soon Kim. Belkar manages to subdue the Eye of Fear and Flame. Redcloak remains indifferent to the Hobgoblin general's protests of hobgoblin casualties, until a hobgoblin solder pushes him out of a catapulted boulder. His sacrifice sparks an epiphany in Redcloak; he is reminded that, as High Priest, he is the shepherd of all goblin races. He rushes to make amends -- summoning a war mammoth, he orders all of their forces to charge at the breach. V, powerless and out of spells, flees in shame along with many Azure City soldiers -- the rest are overwhelmed by the hobgoblin rush. Hinjo attempts to reach the breach, but is hindered by the huecuva and two of Kubota's ninjas. Durkon manages to kill the decoy. Redcloak and his forces penetrate into Azure City -- Haley shoots at him but misses, but hundreds of hobgoblins fire at them. Elan fools them with illusions. Belkar, Durkon, Hinjo, and two unnamed soldiers join them in a tower's safety. Redcloak engages in an epic clerical duel with the High Priest of the Twelve Gods and wins; Tsukiko tries to join Team Evil, but he attempts to kill her. Her spell breaks a portion of the Azure City prison and allows Nale, Sabine, and Thog to escape. Redcloak joins Xykon in the throne room -- the latter is doing badly against the army of ghost-martyrs. Redcloak manages to defeat the spirits with Turn Undead, but is unable to affect Soon Kim. Miko prays to the Twelve Gods for guidance, and breaks out of her cell -- she sees the ghost-martyr battle in the throne room and makes a decision. Soon Kim is on the verge of killing Xykon and Redcloak when she chooses to destroy the gate, allowing the two to escape. The resulting explosion destroys the castle, and flings a paralyzed O-Chul to where the MiTD is. The spirit of Soon Kim comes over to Miko. She asks for reassurance of her actions, but he gently tells her she cannot be a paladin again -- she has not sought out for true redemption. Miko asks if she can see her horse, to which Soon Kim says he has been waiting for her. Resigned to her fate, Miko dies from her injuries. Aftermath Restored to health, Xykon tells Redcloak to move onto the next gate -- Redcloak persuades him to stay in Azure City to learn more information on the other two gates. Haley sees the aftermath of the battle and tells Hinjo the war is lost, and their priority is to now retreat. She and Belkar go to retrieve Roy's corpse while the others flee to the docks. Haley destroys Belkar's Eye after it attempts to give their location away to hobgoblins. Along the other way, the unnamed soldiers evoke the power of names to save themselves from hobgoblins -- they are Kazumi Kato and Daigo. At the piers, Lien has been guarding Hinjo's junk for hours -- Hinjo orders the junk to remain for Haley and Belkar. Haley and Belkar discover that Roy and O-Chul have ended up at the MiTD's tea party. They cook for him in return for the two, but Belkar accidentally reveals they are the Order of the Stick. Haley and Belkar flee immediately. Egged on by a Demon cockroach, the MiTD stomps lightly -- a huge earthquake results, and Belkar throws O-Chul back to the Monster, who decides to take him to Xykon and Redcloak. Meanwhile, Redcloak himself has attacked Hinjo's junk -- Elan discovers V on board with the civilians, and together they hold off hobgoblins through the former's illusions. Lien fights against a summoned octopus to allow Hinjo access to Redcloak. Hinjo attempts to attack the High Priest, but Redcloak promptly Disintegrates him and shouts back that Azure City is his. The ship's captain cuts the junk from the dock and it leaves the city, stranding Haley and Belkar, and severing the Order. At the End of the Day By night time the situations are revealed to be more stark than ever -- in the junk, V and Durkon attempt to reassure Elan and Lien informs Hinjo of the fleet's small supplies. On Kubota's junk, his ninja plots another assassination against Hinjo with an unknown assailant. Back in the city, Redcloak laments over not capturing the paladin, unaware the MiTD has O-Chul with him. Haley and Belkar are in hiding from hobgoblin armies -- Tsukiko witnesses Xykon cast Cloister across Azure City. In the Celestial Realm, Roy and Eugene look down upon the ruins. Locations * Cliffport ** Abandoned Werehouse **CPPD Headquaters **Jail *Sunken Valley * Azurite Outposts ** Blueriver Fort (Bonus comic) **Watchtower *Azure City Cast The Order of the Stick *Roy Greenhilt *Elan *Haley Starshine *Durkon Thundershield *Vaarsuvius *Belkar Bitterleaf Team Evil *Xykon *Redcloak *Monster in the Darkness * Hobgoblin General *Tsukiko *Jirix *Demon Roaches Minions *Huecuva *Death Knight *Eye of Fear and Flame *Summoned Mammoth *Summoned Giant Octopus *Zombie Dragon *Hobgoblins *Ghouls *Zombies *Flying Zombies *Titanium Elementals *Chlorine Elemental Linear Guild *Nale *Sabine *Thog *Pompey *Leeky Windstaff and Hawk Familiar *Yokyok Azurites *Daigo *Kazumi Kato *Daimyo Kubota *Therkla *Thief *Sangwaan * High Priest of the Twelve Gods * Chang *Nobles *Azurite Citizens *Azurite Soldiers Sapphire Guard *Lord Shojo *Mr. Scruffy *Hinjo *Miko Miyazaki *Windstriker *O-Chul *Lien *Soon Kim *Paladins of the Sapphire Guard *Paladin Ghosts Residents of the Sunken Valley *The Oracle *Hydra *Red and Green Men *Undead Heart Testers *Goblin Dan CPPD *Chief *Rookie *Officers *Jail Wardens Haley's Imaginary Personifications *Haley's Self Loathing *Optimism *Self-reliance (Peroxide) *'The part of Haley's brain that's sick of all this emo crap and wants to get back to comedy.' *Latent Bisexuality *Intellect *Vanity *Mistrust Other Characters *Celia *Eugene Greenhilt *Julia Greenhilt *Julio Scoundrel *Banjo the Clown *Blackwing *Thor *Odin *The Twelve Gods *Teevo *Durkon's Pony *Qarr (Off panel) Category:OOTS Books